I'm back

I've been MIA from the blog world for quite a while. Life got a bit hectic, well more hectic than usual, and it seemed more and more difficult to start back up again.
Things are really no less hectic -- but, maybe I can manage at this point?

So that's it for today.

Nothing about the kids.

I'm just back.

our eventful night

Monday April 2nd started out an odd day. I went over to
Washington High School to register Paige for  high school. And while I was happy that she got into Wash -- I was still registering Paige for high school...
>sigh<
I still hadn't fully processed the whole thing and we all had an uneventful evening -- all the little ones were in bed and Paige was just going too after finishing up her homework.
It was around 10:20pm

Paige appears in our room with a look of horror on her face -- and quietly says to us, "You guys have to come right now. I don't think DJ is breathing"
Both Mike and I fly down the stairs into his room.
DJ won't open his eyes or respond, but he is breathing.

We have no idea what is going on.

Mike tells his dad to call 911.
Somehow Paige tells us she heard him coughing, and then making a loud gurgling sound so she got out of bed to check on him.
By the time Vic walks downstairs to open the door for the paramedics, they are here.
DJ is still not responding.
Paige is upstairs with Mikey and I think Vic went up there too.
Around this time DJ is coming out of it enough to be terrified of all the commotion and recognize Mike.

He keeps crying/yelling "Dad. Dad. Dad"
and fighting off the paramedics who are trying to start an IV.
Mike had to hold him down.
I think there were about 8 paramedics and firefighters in the room.

At this time they tell us it was probably a seizure.
Which is a relief to Mike since he thought DJ had a stroke.

They get DJ strapped into a sitting gurney and carry him downstairs and outside where he was transferred to another gurney, screaming for Mike the entire time.

I will tell you, nobody is better in a situation than my husband. He always knows how to handle things and he makes everyone feel secure in that knowledge. He knows how to fix anything that breaks -- or who to call if he can't (and he knows when he can't) He knows how to treat people. He's the guy that all the women at the market ask to reach things for them off the top shelf. He is that confident in everything he does.
But at this moment in time, with DJ calling for him, he can barely hold it together.

I'm sitting in the ambulance with DJ and one other guy who is asking me questions. DJ is still scared, but he is there.
He keeps asking, "Mama, may I please not ride in the ambulance? Mama, may I please just stay home?"
When the paramedic guy asks DJ if he has blurry vision and DJ response is,
"Well, it depends. I don't have my glasses RIGHT now. And I need my glasses or things are blurry. And I think I left my glasses on my nightstand. But usually, WITH my glasses I do not have blurry vision"
I figured he was okay.

In the ER.
Hooked up to everything. DJ is fine. Explained to him what was going on. He is just thrilled to be watching iCarly...
I'm texting Paige. She is quite upset. She's in our bed with Mikey who won't go to sleep. Kelly never woke up for any of it --
Paige is beating herself up wishing she had gotten out of bed to check on DJ sooner. We call her and both Mike and I reassure her that she did exactly the right things. She wants to talk to her brother to make sure he is okay.
DJ has a CT scan.
We are asked to explain about his ear implant, but everything looks great.

I did know a little bit about seizures, having read about febrile seizures when the kids were babies. I knew that the seizures might be scary, but usually weren't harmful. That people got hurt by hitting their head or something during them -- not from the actual seizures.
The ER doctor explained that DJ might never have another one in his lifetime and that the type he had (what used to called grand mal) didn't happen frequently, so go home, and check in with his pediatrician tomorrow.
We were home by 1:30am

Mike brought the air mattress up and we set it up in our room.
We are all exhausted, but DJ was still thrilled to be up so late -- we all stayed up for awhile. Talking, getting Paige to bed and just trying to get things situated for the morning.
Mike and I both fell asleep right before 4am and DJ was on his way, but the tv was still on.

Close to 4:30 I hear this awful gurgling, choking sound and yelled for Mike just as he heard it too. We both rush over, Mike gets DJ on his side. His eyes are closed and he is completely tensed up. I keep my hand on him, talking to him, as Mike calls the ER.
The doctor tells Mike to wait about 15 minutes and slowly try to wake DJ. If we can't wake him, bring him back to the ER. If he seems okay, call his doctor in the morning -- he will most likely have to be admitted to the hospital for tests.
Twenty minutes later, DJ is in our bed with me (and Mikey) and happy to chat about Dances with Wolves, which we are now watching.
About an hour later, I fall asleep. Mike stays up with DJ.
Mike wakes the girls up for school, they get ready -- he calls DJ's school and wakes me up so I can call Dr. Lee's office while he takes Paige and Kelly to school.
DJ is still awake, so I turn off the tv and tell him to try and sleep. He is out instantly.
I call the office right at 8:30, it's still the service. I call again, the same.
I am sitting up in bed, facing the pillows -- DJ and Mikey are both asleep.
I see DJ's mouth twitch in an odd way.
I move closer to him, between the boys.
DJ's entire body tensed up. His face was pulled and his eyes were wide open and blood shot. He had one arm pulled in tight to his body and the other extended.
His lips started turning blue.
I started to feel panicked -- I looked at the clock, it was almost two full minutes.
All of a sudden his body released the lock on itself.

I knew it would be at least 15 minutes before he would come to. I called the doctors office. They said to take DJ to UCSF emergency room.
As soon as Mike returned from dropping off the girls, I got dressed, got Mikey dressed -- and DJ was still out.
I took him much longer to come back this time. He was very wobbly and was sick in the car right as we pulled up to the hospital. His speech was still slurred when the doctor came in to check on him.

Meanwhile, Mikey decides he is going to be
The Happiest Toddler Ever
and is making me insane. He is playing peek-a-boo with nurses and running in circles and high-fiving everyone.
>sigh<
I do not have the patience for one more person telling me how cute he is...
Thankfully, a friend came and picked him up. (Thank you Misty!) She also picked up Miss K and brought them to her own kid's dentist appointment -- and back to her house. Mike O signed Paige out of school and dropped her off.
Our 7 hours in the ER would have been so much harder if we didn't have such great friends.

So, DJ slept (while we watched every twitch) for about 45 min and then was woken up by the pediatric neurologist who needed to examine him.

Then he was hooked up to an EEG

and he wouldn't go back to sleep.
He did make me take a picture of his brain though --

The neurology team that came in following the EEG explained that they were going to treat the 3 seizures like they were 1 big one. That the type they think he had usually show up on both sides of the brain not just the right side like DJ's does. And the type they think he had usually starts at a much younger age.
They want to do an MRI, and see someone in the neurology clinic since they really still have no idea what is going on with him.
We go home.

I call for the MRI, it's not in their records... the person who can help me is out of town... The neurology clinic people call on Thursday and the earliest they can see him is May 1st.
ok
But The doctor might want to see him earlier after she looks at his chart. They will call me.
ok
They call me Friday late afternoon. They want to see him first thing Monday morning. Please call their office if he has another seizure.

what? That doesn't freak me out or anything.

Monday morning. More tests. The doctor THINKS he has benign rolandic epilepsy, BUT it isn't showing up correctly on the EEG. She called it a "developmental" epilepsy. But he has no family history, isn't the age that these things start (6-8yr) and the abnormalities on his brain are different than in benign rolandic epilepsy.
...ok
Since his CT scan was good, they'll wait on the MRI, but they want another EEG. One while he is sleeping.
BUT it could very well be something else going on in his brain,
they don't know.
The seizures might happen once a month, but maybe more often. He should outgrow them within 5 years.
The good news being they will probably only happen in his sleep.
They gave me a medication to stop them if they last for more than 5 minutes.
Now we are just waiting to hear from them to schedule another EEG.


He is back at school today.

my new do

A couple of weeks before Kelly decided to cut her hair, I got a new haircut too.

Mine was not quite long enough for Locks of Love though...

My friend Monica who works at Twenty Four Twelve Fillmore did it and I love it!

My baby likes it. He keeps pointing to my hair and saying "pretty" ~

And best of all, my husband REALLY likes it! I think I will be getting my hair done more often --

October 22, 1995

I just found this recently when we were changing the kids rooms around. It was behind another picture in a frame --
I scanned it and cropped it.

It's of me. 16 years ago.

miss me?

If you are wondering where I am, please refer to my post
yikes! October or you can always head over to my
photo blog Mikey's Wife to see some of my favorite Halloween pictures ~

Because on top of all that is going on, I have a cold...

>achoo<

and Mike does too.

{sigh}

and we all know how I feel about that --

{this moment}

A single photo few photos

~ no words, capturing a moment from the week

a simple, 

special, 

extraordinary moment

a moment I want to pause, 

savor 

and remember

please
leave your {moment} in the comments
for us all to see

and even join in

where it all started

Soule Mama

Tuesday's trip to the ER

Mikey now has swim lessons on Tuesdays. He was much better this week and actually had fun, likes the water -- but hates it when the teacher talks to him.
I have pictures up on Picasa if you want to check them out before I get to posting some here.

Paige usually has soccer practice after school on Tuesdays, but practice was cancelled this week.
So everyone was home in the late afternoon and getting started on homework.

I was sitting on the couch in Paige's room -- on the computer, and kids were coming in and out of the room. Mikey was with me, watching Blues Clues.
There is this cute little embroidered footstool in Paige's room and Mikey likes to stand/sit on it. He moves it around, but I don't let him to put it next to the TV because I think he might get hurt falling into the dresser.
(d'oh)

the culprit

Now, I do have to say, that Paige's room is my new favorite place to hang out during the day. Mikey has a few toys and books in there and it's pretty easy to keep him entertained so I am not chasing him up and down the stairs.

DJ and Kelly are in the hallway and Mikey is playing with the footstool by the new Ikea bookshelf. I am telling DJ something, but I turn just in time to watch Mikey slip and fall face first onto the edge of the middle shelf.
{ahhhhh!}
I have DJ get Mike from upstairs because I can't see how bad it is with the way I am holding him -- but everyone had come running already.
It was pretty bad.
The way he hit, being elevated the way he was, I think his whole weight must have been behind the fall.

We left the big kids with Grandpa so they could get their homework done and brought Kelly with us to the ER. I explained to her on the way there that it might not be bad enough for stitches, that maybe instead they'd use glue -- and that is exactly what they did!
The ER was great. We were brought in before I could even get my insurance card back into my wallet! The staff was amazing with both of the kids, bringing in coloring pages -- even blowing bubbles. We were in and out of there in 2 hrs. The longest part was waiting for the numbing agent to work, but after that, they sang him a few songs while cleaning out the cut, glued it, then taped it up for good measure.

Mikey was so good. He didn't fuss, he let them do everything they needed to do.
It was kinda weird.
I was joking around, but kinda serious when I told them that he cried more during swim lessons --

I tried to get some pictures after it first happened, but he was not having any of it -- I had to wait for him to fall asleep... I posted them for wordless Wednesday mainly because
I was still upset about the whole thing ~
{whaaa}
I am still sort of a wreck about it.

AND I think it even looks WORSE today!

Thank you to everyone for all your kind Well Wishes ~ Very Much Appreciated!

the ABC's of me

• Age: 42 40 
• Bed Size: California King, and I wish I had one even bigger! Like add a twin on the side and on the bottom -- AND I'd like someone to come in every day and put fresh sheets on for me. Yes, every day Every. Day. {please} 
• Chore you Dislike: taking things out of the fridge that have gone bad -- Mike and I have a deal, he does that and I do diapers. And I think I win.
• Dogs: not anymore, but I miss having one (just look how sweet he was)

• Essential start to your Day: oh, uh, Coffee!
• Favorite Color: green (but I think you probably guessed that)
• Gold or Silver: silver
• Height: 5'1 and 3/4"
• Instruments you Play(ed): yeah, right
• Junk Food: Hostess Cupcakes
• Kids: Paige -13, DJ -11, Kelly -5 and Mikey - 22 months
• Live: California
• Mom's name: The Crazy Lady (not fondly)
• Nicknames: used to have a couple, but I go by Mama now
• Overnight hospital Stays: back surgery and 4 c-sections -- and I stayed with DJ for his ear surgeries, does that count?
• Pet peeves: people that let their kids be mean to other (my) kids
• Quote from a Movie: "Why are you so unpopular with the Chicago Police Department?"

• Righty or Lefty: righty, but used to practice to try and be a lefty
• Siblings: younger brother, David Edward
• Time you Wake up: 3am, 5am and up at 7:15
• Underwear: excuse me?
• Vegetables you don't Like: peas
• What makes you run Late: I am always early
• X-rays you've Had: besides teeth, only my back -- I had a bunch of ultrasounds though!
• Yummy food you Make: I make penne pasta, with grape tomatoes, basil, garlic and feta. Everyone loves it -- except my husband, because it has no meat in it!
• Zoo animal Favorites: Love the zoo! Right now I like seeing the Grizzly Bears getting fed and I always like the Gorillas and Giraffes. (ooo, all 'G's') Oh, but I like the Rhinos too!

Found this About Me prompt at Material Girl Green

{just me and my camera}

Pretty red flowers we saw

while walking to pick Kelly up from school. 

Paige's eye! Hehe (you know I have an eye thing) 

and a strange shaped eggplant that Matt brought over 

from his garden ~

{in the garden}

just
playing around
with the camera

my red hair

I was supposed to be born a redhead.
My brother and both of my cousins on my mom's side are blonde. I'm not. My grandmother had red hair, so something got switched around, messed up or something.

Well, when I was around 15, my mom was touching up my grandma's hair for her and they had left over color....
I was hooked!

I think I have been every shade of red  imaginable --

but I think this was my favorite haircut and color. I wish I had a picture of  the back -- it was super cute and especially when my hair was blown out straight.

The cute boy was a friend

 that I worked with. His name is Per and he is from Sweden.

I was Red until I was pregnant with Kelly. I didn't live close to any of hairdresser friends and it was too much of a hassle to try and do it myself with keeping it off my scalp. Up until then, I was crazy about being Red. Wanted to be as bright as possible and worried about it fading --

Well you have know, when The Little Mermaid first came out, I LOVED it!
She was the first Disney Princess with
Red hair ~

I even had the soundtrack on tape and listened to it all the time. Three different people gave me the movie the day it came out on video.
Yes, video.



When Paige was little, her
movie to watch was Homeward Bound (over and over and over and over and over and over and over again)
DJ wasn't really into any one movie,
and Kelly, after a short Mulan  stint, now loves MY movie!

counting down the days

Yeah, so I used to always count down the days until my birthday. Uh, some people might {cough} remember this. If you don't remember you might not fully understand --
I started counting 6 months in advance.
You know, from my Half Birthday
(which also happens to be Valentine's Day)
And then I would tell everyone, every day, how many days were left until my birthday.
Everyone. Every. Day.

It wasn't that I even wanted to get presents or anything like that --
It was just My Birthday.

I have always been the youngest out of everyone.
High School.
Work.
Playgroups.

I think that time I tried to make a Big Deal about my birthday is when was I turning 30. I was actually a little tweeked about the whole thing, but nobody around me let me have a
Moment.
"I wish I was 30 again" was all I heard.
By then I has also stopped counting.

And I was pregnant with DJ when I turned 30 ~
I was pregnant with Mikey when I turned 40...
I wonder if that means something? If it's good luck, or if they will cure cancer or something amazing like that?

So right.
If you are reading this, I assume you can do math too.

Happy Birthday to Me!

I just want to know how things changed on me so much that I am no longer the youngest, but I am now the oldest?
{sheesh}

baby Leila

When I am in an emotional situation, I often don't know what to say. So I am quiet.
A few weeks before my mother-in-law died, she was very distraught.
I was alone with her  in her room and she was
pacing around, upset. In terrible pain.
She looked at me and told me that she felt like she was dying.
I don't know what my face said to her,
 but I hugged her, I helped her into bed.
I didn't say anything.
I felt awful. I wanted to cry.

My brother and his wife live in Ohio. When I was pregnant with Mikey they found out the were also expecting. In fact, our due dates were almost exactly two months apart -- I can't even describe how excited I was about this, even though we live so far away ~
(I am just that kind of dork)
When they found out they were having twins, I was even more excited! And
honestly,
I was a little jealous.
I have always wanted to have twins! When I was younger, I even used to wish I could Be a twin. (dork)
But since my crazy obsession at the time
was making hats I waddled ran out the door to find matching yarn to make them their own 'lovey' blankets from what was sure to become their Favorite Aunt.

Not long after, Dave and Cyndi found out their girls had TTTS
I thought about them all the time. How could I not? Every stitch I made in a hat, I was thinking of them, wanting things to be okay. And
honestly,
feeling a bit guilty.
My little guy was fine. But still,
I felt awful. I wanted to cry.

The girls needed to have surgery.
I had it worked out in my {crazy} pregnancy head that if I hurried and sent them their blankets, everything would be fine.
I am pretty sure those stupid things showed up right after
sweet little Leila passed away.
I still feel like an asshole.
As usual, I had no idea what to say.
I felt awful. I cried and cried.
My nieces were born a little less than 2 months before their cousin instead of 2 months after him.

My calendar reminds me it's almost
Leila and Chloe's Birthday
and I just hit me that my brother and his family also observe
Leila's Angel Day
I miss all of them, it would be great if we all lived closer together.
Even then I probably would still not know what to say.

But, the cool thing is --
Cyndi is so great about sharing pictures and stories of my spunky (haha, her parents better watch out)
niece Chloe
and her thoughtful big sister Solana
and this one is my new favorite!